Pity Party...Table for One

I would like to bitch slap that "fairy" in the Tampax commercial that delivers your period like a gift. It is not a gift. It is an emotional roller coaster packed with pimples, cramps, tears over stupid stuff and the uncanny ability to make women crazy. Why am I telling you all of this?!? Two reasons. One - I believe that PMS is why I rode the crazy train with K. Two - I believe that it's also to blame for me taking huge offense to a comment said in jest. Like burst into tears, walk away and slam the door offense....here goes......

This would be what?? 1 week and 14 days post date. 3 weeks since our first date. A month since we started talking. Pretty good record, for me. Anyway. K and I decided to just chill last night. He came over, I made dinner. I was already feeling a little sensitive before he even got to my house. I felt like I could cry. No reason. Just felt like I needed to cry. But, I was going to suck it up. Power through it. Put on my big girl panties and just deal with it. We talked, laughed, ate, watched RHODC (yes, I have him hooked - I love it!) and had a nice time.

When he was leaving I told him to stand on the little porch step and I was going to stand on the sidewalk. That way I could be shorter than him for just a moment. It was funny, we laughed. He kissed me. And then, he said this......
"You are a big girl"
.....OMG! I can feel the reins holding me to the sane train loosening. I hate to be called big. I am TALL. Not big. No, I am not a toothpick skinny mini but I am not fat either. In my head, big implies fat. Always has. I managed to keep the reins from coming completely undone and respond with
"I am not big - I am just tall....calling me big makes me feel like you called me fat."
I kept the tears choked back. Firmly planted a smile on my face. Gonna stay on the sane train if it's the last thing I do. And he responds......
"I didn't mean it like that. You are tall, you are not the average size girl. You could stand to hit the gym but you look fine just the way you are. Hell, I need to hit the gym too - you can tell me, it's ok. I know you don't have time so just do some push ups or something (laughing as he says it). Give me a kiss, I gotta go"
What the hell did you just say to me?!? You just told a girl that has had major body image issues for most of her life that she needs to hit the gym?!? Really?? Screw.you. That was the last straw. The reins holding me down, let loose. The tears came and there was no holding them back. I turned toward the door and as I slammed it in his face, I heard him say....
"Come on Sabrina, I didn't mean it that way. I...."
I didn't hear the rest because I was hightailing it to the bathroom, bawling my eyes out. I was that way for 10 minutes or more. I didn't hear anything except, you could stand to hit the gym. Replaying over and over and over in my head. I pulled myself together and I called him. He apologized. Said he didn't mean anything by it, if he thought I was unattractive he wouldn't be dating me. Ok. Fine. Apology accepted. Still hurt my feelings.

But what am I doing today?? I am sitting at my pity party table. Alone. Well, not exactly alone - I have my unending stream of thoughts. The awkward girl that used to get picked on, is all up in my head. Why am I still upset about it?? I know he likes me. Am I just being overly sensitive because I started my period and I am emotional?? Is is too much to think a guy should never voice their opinion about how I look unless it is a compliment?? He does tell me I look nice all the time. So why couldn't he have kept the smart ass gym comment to himself?? Gahhhhh!!!! I gotta stop or I am going to cry again. I will tell you one thing. I will not let him know I am still upset. No'sir. Keeping it to myself...